odaat...

often i think

dream if you will

and i smile

at least

that's true

on occasion you

don't have the time

and please know i'm fine

at least i have you

that's true

over these months

don't fret if you

aren't able

and don't feel 

that time's on your side

oh i think of you my

dearest of friends

and i realize

all i can do is

to live

one

day

at

a

time

i'm sorry...

words elude me

over and over

and over

yet thoughts

and feelings

still simmer

with tendency

to look back

and wonder why

we 

loved

life

together

and i 

cowardly

ashamedly

said goodbye

for fear 

of what

of pain

of rejection?

whatever the cause

now

it doesn't matter

time has passed

new loves found

(and for me lost again)

we walk on

to futures

of life and love

i was never

a good friend

to you

to anyone

selfish

gone

disappeared

but never forgotten

i am

sorry

words enough

cannot express

friendships should

be stronger than i

ever allowed them to be

and so i say

thank you

for showing me friendship

thank you

for loving me

the last time...

I promise this'll be the last time, for a very long time, that I officially switch blogs. I mean, I might write on here every now and then for the next two months, but past that I doubt at all.

So please visit http://jamesdavidpierce.blogspot.com/ and read your hearts away, comment away, and scrutinize and love.

Because I love you.

Godspeed.

winding down...

not too many more posts here. change of location means change of blog address. i'll pass it out soon, and make sure i don't have too many posts written on it before i do.

a beautiful day...

i went camping this last week. i should have pictures soon. my camera broke in costa rica so i used the camera my friend had with him. less than a week, i promise.

today is more time spent up in costa mesa. pool extravaganza with wix and sim.

i should clean my room this week...

dear readers...

apparently you actually are interested in any sort of goings-ons in my life. 

it's hard to write about it though - because when it comes to big life plans and decisions i'm more of a one-on-one type of guy. or really in terms of any conversations. but there are some of you that i won't see for a while, and so i suppose this merits the information to be shared here.

one of the whole reasons for having a blog right? makes sense, i guess.

this move's been a long time coming, and still the countdown is at 80 days today - but in 80 days i will be driving myself over to the small state of texas, in the city of san antonio. between now and then i have a lot going on, so that is why it is 80 days and not 10, but i figured i might as well let the cat out of the bag to surprise as few people as possible.

and i think the emotion of it all is slowly starting to set in. seeing my older sister cry when i told her last night wasn't helpful. the constant "why are you moving, again"s won't get old, but why do i second-guess myself whenever someone asks that question? i was reminded last week though, that if i go off of emotion and feelings then i'm going to stay - and not move in the direction i truly know i'm supposed to go in. people are going to be sad to see me go, and people are going to be happy to see me arrive - which isn't necessarily a catch 22, but the phrase sounds good enough to use.

i'm going to miss my family tons. yes.

i'm going to miss my friends lots. yes.

the beach. yes.

the weather. yes.

scooter. yes.

lots more. yes.

no, i don't know where i'm going to work yet.

i don't know who i'm going to live with.

i don't know a lot of things.

but i know i'm supposed to go. i know things will work out all in due time.

and i'm more than excited to see how everything happens and where my life is headed.

:)

did you hear the news today...

oh, you want news.

i guess i could give you a little.

i'm moving.

more to come later, i promise, i just don't feel like writing right now. it's late?

seasons change...

once again, it's been a while.

but that's okay. because i've been busy. busy figuring out life, busy flying north and south, east and west.

time goes so slowly these days. it's what i get for not being employed. 

today is tuesday. 

in 48 hours i'll have news.

these frail hands...

i need your love. 

and most of all i want to feel your peace. 

i need your love. 

let everything that you are not decrease.

be a man...

cry me to sleep. birds without beaks. quick clip my wings. falling from swings...

...follow carmen sandiego to the remotest parts of the earth young one, you have much to learn in this world of darkness and despair. the sky is falling but only just above you - sidestep left, backstep right. sing to your king for he is the only one who loves with purity.

happiness is...

joel said all i ever blog about are morbid depressing things.

well at least i blog!

some happy things happening soon:

• aj and rhi and coben and jonas are coming to town
• mikey mulligan is getting married (this means bachelor party to throw, rehearsal dinner to eat, tux to look hot in and songs to dance to)
  
• dinner with aj and rhi and coben and jonas and bri and james on monday
• softball game on monday after dinner
• a flight to texas on tuesday

there you have it. some unmorbidly delightful things.

ragamuffin poet queen...

where are you?

rest...

it's nice to lie down and do nothing. i don't relax enough. i don't take time to sit down and let my mind wander away from anything to worry about. that's one of the sad things i've noticed since being back for two weeks now. i can change that of course, i'm just thinking about how i didn't have to think about it three weeks ago. it just came naturally. and so what now? do i just sit and complain that i'm not getting enough rest or downtime? when in fact it's my own doing that has kept me so busy since i've been back home?...sigh.

sbux...

i've got nothing against starbucks. i worked there for a good three months and made my dent in the coffee industry. then i moved to costa rica and tasted some of the best coffee in the world, at a fraction of the price. i would drink coffee before breakfast, as a snack after lunch, and as a time filler in the afternoon. i knew it would only be a phase, but it was worth it while it lasted. now coffee seems more of a commodity, a luxury that not many of us can afford these days do to an all too struggling economy and a hike in the prices of lattes. i probably wouldn't be here if not for two reasons: the first being i'm meeting my friend wix here for good conversation for a bit, and the second that my dearest mum gave me a gift card to use. how simply wonderful.

vusc...

vanguard university. it is a quiet place today, with a few staff members running, or more specifically, strolling about finding people to talk to and any other excuse to refrain from turning in their small assignments to their prospective bosses. the grass has just been cut, with the telltale signs of a lawnmower being on its surface recently. this used to be a place where mud football was played after a rainy night, where giant ice cream sundaes were scarfed down in record time and glittering fairies went around kissing unsuspecting gnaves. amidst the hustle and bustle of all this, students would still find time to study in the wee hours of the morning, while their diligent roommates would be sleeping. times have changed though, people have left and the echoes of joyous laughter underneath the heath building whilst still under construction have long since faded away. it was a happy
place, but many moons ago.

almuerzo...

i have always loved the chipotle burrito. something about the deliciousness of it all, or even the way it is delicately wrapped in tin foil, makes it a lunch worth remembering. a small problem i had today was that i forgot what i usually ordered - a burrito bowl with white beans, chicken, corn, sour cream and cheese. oh and a bag of chips. so instead of ordering that i bought a chicken fajita burrito with said toppings. i'm actually still pleased, so all in all it's turning out to be a good day.

these sandals were made for walking...

I miss walking. So I've taken it upon myself to walk more than I usually would, instead of using my scooter or my car. I actually unintentionally lost quite a bit of weight over in Costa Rica and I attribute this to walking almost everywhere I went. Tonight, instead of scooting to grab some pizza for dinner, I'm walking. This way will take me 25 more minutes - but at least I'll get to take in the view more...

te amo...

yesterday you came running

full speed to the door

looking around with hope

"james? y james?

...dondé está james?"

no estoy allí yosimar

y lo siento mucho

mucho. mucho. mucho.

passport protection...

dang it's been a while.

but heyyy...you can count on this being updated more often now - i give my word.

just not now, gotta run!

rain rain rain...

i love the rain here. the mornings will start off nice and sunny and have the makings of a beautiful day. but by the time the afternoon rolls around...you'll hear one crack of thunder and then you know the rain is near. shortly, if not immediately, thereafter, the rain falls. and hard. and i love it.

our street goes a fraction downhill, and so when the rain pours the gutters fill up and the road becomes somewhat of a river. it's a sight to see, that's for sure. at times trash bags will be carried along, with random tree branches and even small children.

i'm just glad i don't have to be riding my scooter in all of this.

invictus...

i've been breaking my back... yeah

only to show You
how very lost one can be
and bitterness fires through me

the brilliance that was
is flickering cold
slowly burning to ash
i'm choking on pride
i'm closing my eyes
'till one day i'm scared to go back

You part the shadows
Light of the World
destroy the blindness
peace eternal

take this broken heart
if it brings You praise
take this beaten soul
shivering hands i will raise

Hope Unstoppable
sing the morning sun
wake up oh sleeper
the Daylight has come

You are, You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable

take this broken heart
if it brings You praise
take this beaten soul
shivering hands i will raise

Hope Unstoppable
sing the morning sun
wake up oh sleeper
the Daylight has come

You are, You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable
You are You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable

i've been breaking my back
only to show you how very lost
one can be

sigh...

content.

in the weirdest of ways.

my circumstances make me smile.

don't ask me how, or why.

i have no answer.

i just know that life.

is good.

friends...

This post goes out to Kyle and Joel.

Just because.

lord (i don't know)...

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

proverbs 3:5-6...

trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding

in all your ways acknowledge Him

and He will make your paths straight

i need thee...

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power
When Thou art nigh

I need thee, oh, I need thee, every hour I need Thee
I need thee, I need thee, I need Thee every hour

I need Thee every hour in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is in vain
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee
Oh I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

untitled...

it's my downfall, it is
a seemingly unending cycle
pick one up and try to hold on
until i've dropped and broken it

chunk at least was unaware
even if his friends weren't
he'd do anything you asked
oblivious of his inadequacies

which is better
to know
or
to have no idea

i say the former
at least i can try
but not try to not fail
but to simply do the best i can

so is that what i'm looking for
a chance to prove myself to others
look at me - i'm finally a winner
of something never meant to be won

i'll never call myself a failure
i'll never say i didn't try
but when will i finally
become a man fully alive


.tbc.

happy easter...

somewhere over the rainbow
way up high
and the dreams that you dreamed of
once in a lullaby
somewhere over the rainbow
blue birds fly
and the dreams that you dreamed of
dreams really do come true
someday i'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me
somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
and the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't i?

well i see trees of green and
red roses too,
i'll watch them bloom for me and you
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

well i see skies of blue and i see clouds of white
and the brightness of day
i like the dark and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

the colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
are also on the faces of people passing by
i see friends shaking hands
saying, "how do you do?"
they're really saying, i...i love you
i hear babies cry and i watch them grow
they'll learn much more
than we'll know
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

someday i'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
and the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't i?

real...

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

God help me.

glory...

it's hard to describe

all that is being done

deliberate service, yes

but for what good

just a glimpse

seems to be all i'm ever given

back home

i go back and live comfortably

fitted sheets

down pillows

food in the fridge

milk delivered fridays

seek first his kingdom

and his righteousness

and all these things

will be given to you as well

yes...

but what about

them as well

still...

Oh God, take this life...

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

febrero...

February is coming to an end. My how the time flies.

I'm liking being in another country. It's...refreshing. I love having six roommates. I love seeing people and doing everything together every day. 

...I don't miss "home" 

...I don't miss California

Oh I miss people, and I miss friendships.

I just don't see myself living in Orange County for the rest of my life. Maybe I will, maybe that will be what God calls me to.

But I've got a strong sense it isn't.

saturday night...

Filling empty space.

Through time spent with 'friends'.

Previously planned excitement.

Eventual disappointment.

Where does opinion intersect concrete unity?

Don't speak what's on your mind.

For fear of rejection.

Hide emotion.

Fake smiles please fools.

When do acquaintances become qualified friendships?

Please don't miss me.

My life goes on.

My heart stays shut.

My walls close in.

Who determines the reality of heartfelt truth.

Let birds fly free.

Wings clipped bring pain.

Loose the rain upon unbelievers.

Run unhindered into seclusion.

Why fix something that's been broken over and over.

fields of the fallen...

hi world.

i've been busy lately, i apologize. i suppose it's good though, in a sense, to be too busy to sit down by myself at a computer and type away into the night, or morning for that matter. 

a lot's been going on. most of it good. a little sadness mixed in there as well.

i need to go right now though...i have a memorial service to go to.

my friend's grandpa was in a car accident yesterday. he suffered a stroke and has been in ICU for the past twenty-four hours; unconscious and unresponsive. i'm told he's not going to make it.

it's times like these....when.

words are never enough.

fact not fiction...

so much to do. so little time.

willy wonka's words never rang so true. 

one foot in front of the other. one step at a time.

life still couldn't be better.

hope...

there's so much i have to be thankful for lately. i have so many reasons to smile, so many things to be glad about.

today is a good day.

cr...

oh God.

take this heart.

take these hands.

take these feet.

and use them.

thy kingdom come.

thy will be done.

on earth.

as it is in heaven.

i am nothing.

can do nothing.

have nothing.

except through you.

i will give my best.

it will not be good enough.

i will suffer and see no fruit.

but your plan is perfect.

the brilliance that was is flickering cold.

slowly burning to ash.

i'm choking on pride, closing my eyes.

'till one day i'm scared to come back.

time flies...

I'm amazed that it's already January 24th. Just yesterday it was 2008 and I was in another state hanging out with friends on New Year's Eve. A lot has happened in these past days. A lot of joy and excitement and a lot of pain and discouragement. But I hold fast to the knowledge that God is good. And not just good, but goooooooooooood. I'm realizing more and more, each and every day, that God is so very faithful in everything. His plans for me are more than amazing, and his desire for my life is for nothing short of greatness.

Things are changing. Hopes and dreams I've had and thought of are blossoming to the surface. My heart...I've let myself damage my heart. Let myself be someone I'm not. Either for worldly gain or self-pleasure. But the love my Jesus has for me reaches far beyond any brokenness and pain. 

God is always forming us, molding us into what he planned for us all along. And as to our allowing him to shape us...I'm sure it takes more times than necessary. But his love goes past our imperfections, goes through our hiccoughs and failings. 

A new day though. Today is a new day. Today has all the possibilities of greatness. Whether we find ourselves in an office cubicle, in our homes with our children, or outside in a construction site...we can still walk in the fulness that God has for us. 

These past few weeks for me, as I have said, has been somewhat of a roller coaster for me. Yet I feel like I am on the brink of grasping the tiniest bit of God's will for my life. This might include finally leaving the country like I have always dreamed, or staying in my own backyard knowing that God has all my best interests at hand. 

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Godspeed.

recall...

i love this song i'm about to post. there is something so comforting in these painful lyrics. it's actually hard to explain. if you ever get a chance to listen to brave saint saturn i'd highly recommend it. also, if you ever get a chance to anything written or sung by dennis bayne (culp) i'd highly recommend it as well. i don't know what else to say...there's just something about this song that always gets me...

it was all about acceleration

all for notoriety

all about the destination

driven by my own abilities

rockets shattered, screamed, and then fell away

lift this juggernaut into the sky

radio waves in the frozen night, spelling "i miss you"

like a flicker of light in the back of my mind

and it all comes back to me

like an overdue sunrise

it all comes back to me

there's nothing like complete exhaustion

the atrophy of complete defeat

the feeling of the world upon my shoulders

and realizing i am incomplete

well there's a lot of freedom in failure

of recklessness of weightless abandonment

i remember light coming through stained glass

and it reminds me

like a flicker of light in the back of my mind

and it all comes back to me

like an overdue sunrise

it all comes back to me

i remember your love being better than life

when it all comes back to me

i will sing in the shadows

when it all comes back

when it all comes back

when it all comes back

to me...

a saturday night...

it's like in the great stories mr. frodo. the ones that really mattered. full of darkness and danger they were. and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. because how could the end be happy? how could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. but in the end it's only a passing thing. this shadow. even darkness must past. a new day will come. and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. those were the stories that stayed with you. that meant something. even if you were too small to understand why. but i think mr. frodo, i do understand. i know now. folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. they kept going. because they were holding onto something. 

what are we holding onto sam?

that there's some good in this world mr. frodo. and it's worth fighting for.

new things...

i've decided to mix re-do the layout of my blog a little. nothing big...i just thought the whole black scheme was too dark. blue is better. and yes, i finally decided to "upgrade" (or whatever) the layout. 

blogger wins.

my quiet place...

Lord i love to worship you

Lord i love to worship you

you have given me so much

to be thankful for

and i love you is not enough

to express my love

everything i have inside of me

Lord i give to you

there is nothing i can do

there is nothing i can do

there is nothing i can do

but worship you

You are...

Lord you are more precious than silver.

Lord you are more costly than gold.

Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds.

And nothing I desire compares with you.

this sort of thing...

This Sort of Thing

I, I've a hunch that we
will never be the same
these things tend to change
everything
like a pause just to glance
or a choice
or just a chance
but we were never ready for this
anyway

so come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything

so here
here we go again
should I move right or left
or just step back to check
if I missed a step
oh no, you can never be too sure
when forever's on the line
forever passed me by a hundred times
tonight so

come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything

I, I've got a hunch that we
will never be the same
these things tend to change everything

come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything...

busy...

I'm sorry I haven't posted lately. I've been out of town, keeping myself busy.

I'll be back soon.

Godspeed.

hi...

i'm sending this through a text so it has to be short. i'm excited for this year. i'm excited to see what God has for everyone. Godspeed.

hurricanes...

i am so lonely. 

they say you were lonely too. 

dear God be my Savior. 

i wait for you.

on distant shores...

and off of the blocks

i was headstrong and proud

at the front of the line

for the card-carrying, highbrowed

with both eyes fastened tight

yet unscarred from the fight

running at full tilt

my sword pulled from its hilt

it's funny how these days can slip away

our frail deeds

the last will wave good-bye

it's funny how the hope will bleed away

the citadels we build and fortify

goodbye

night came and i broke my stride

i swallowed hard but never cried

when grace was easy to forget

i'd denounce the hypocrites

casting first stones

killing my own

you would unscale my blind eyes

and i stood battered but more wise

fighting to accelerate

shaking free from crippling weight

with resilience unsurpassed

i clawed my way to you at last

and on my knees

i wept at your feet

i finally believed

that you still loved me

simple...

our Father.

who art in heaven.

hallowed be thy name.

thy kingdom come.

thy will be done.

on earth.

as it is in heaven.

give us today.

our daily bread.

and forgive us our debts.

as we forgive our debtors.

and lead us not into temptation.

but deliver us from evil.

chemistry...

i was supposed to clean my room today. at least that was my plan.

breakfast with colin and stuart was fun. we gave dee a christmas present like we did last year. she cried like she did last year.

i spoke with lindsey for about ten minutes today. she says i could be her parents third son if i were to move out to arizona. i suppose her brother gets official first son privileges and her man gets official second son. i'm fine with third. aj still needs to call me though...

i'll give him grace though. he just had another kid. or rhi did. either way they've got two sons now. two awesome sons. at least i was able to talk to his sister. he'll call me back one of these days.

listen to fleet foxes.

driving with my windows down was fun today. gotta love the rain. (it was barely sprinkling).

i just lost my train of thought.

found it.

lunch with joel and chrissy and james and bri on christmas eve. it'll be good to hang out with them all, even if i am a fifth wheel. joel says if there was ever a choice for him to find a fifth wheel, i would be it. apparently i'm good at it he says.

tonight is hot chocolate and old friends. should be...interesting.

Godspeed.

estrella...

the angels wings will cover you tonight.

hallelujah.

press your head against the breast of Christ.

hallelujah.

keep your little head from falling in the snow...

so a venture down to mexico today is not going to happen.

too many speed-bumps and hiccoughs and stutters for it to fall into place smoothly.

that's funny. that seems to be the way my life is going in general. 

STOP THE PESSIMISM JAMES!!!

huh?  what was that? must've missed something.

sigh. 

one.day.at.a.time.

white winter hymnal...

rain rain go away. come again another day.

i usually like the rain.

it usually makes me smile. i'll go outside and dance around. i'll run to the park behind my house and swing on the swings in the playground. i'll get all soaked, and be happy the whole time.

i love smiling. i love feeling like my life is going somewhere. like i have a purpose.

i love feeling that way...

tonight, tonight...

Tonight I say goodbye to my good friend Casey, or more affectionately known as Moose. Moose and his wife found our church accidently two years ago, and have become great friends during the past eight seasons. (If you can call what we have seasons). He was stationed at Camp Pendleton to finish his time with the marine corps. He now gets to go back home and be with family, etc. But we'll miss him. As it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything.

After work on Friday I'm driving down to the orphanage in Mexico. I'll be there for the night and most of Saturday. I get to see Oscar. I'm happy. 

Godspeed.

frozen...

If winter doesn't come to southern California, at least it will burrow its way into my hope for a job with the county. That's right, I've been officially informed that all county jobs are in the midst of a hiring freeze, which obviously means my hopes for a job in juvenile hall are obviously put on hold. 

God, you're doing something here...

WHAT?!

dp boredum...

Today is not a good day for scooting. The sun is hiding and the gloomy clouds are sitting around enjoying some kind of tea party. I swear they only tease us and pretend to be up to something here in California. "How's the weather?" isn't even a conversation starter here - if you start off with that people will know you're desperate. Now I didn't say it was a horrible day for scooting; it would be perfectly fine for me to bundle up in layers and take a short trip down to the harbor, but I'm in more of a bundle up next to the fire with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book type of mood. (Talk about a run-on sentence....)

I started reading a separate peace about a month ago, but have since returned it to the library as it, along with eight other books, were overdue. If I go back now I'll have to pay the two dollars in fines I owe, and I never was one who enjoyed paying off debts completely. Hah! So it really turns into a question of what book should I start next, and yes, I will go to the library if needs be. I'll throw them a quarter and they can be satisfied with my payment plan.

 Ideas? I'll take them. Thanks.

this is how it goes...

So it's like this...

Actually, I have NO idea what it's like. There aren't words to describe or feelings to feel, and that's frustrating. 

It's times like these when I really want to run. Run until I wear through my shoes and socks and bare feet and then some. I'm going down to the orphanage in a couple weeks to see Oscar. This isn't running; this is love. But I wouldn't be surprised if something in my heart told me to stay.

This picture was taken oh about seven years ago or so. Oscar's fourteen now. My how time flies. I want to see him, even if it's just to let him know I care.

no one loves me like you...

When I was small, the furthest I could reach was not so high. Then I thought the world was so much smaller. Feeling I could fly.

What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

What have we become? A self indulgent people. What have we become? Tell me, where are the righteous ones?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.

Sometimes the unexplained can define you. And sometimes, silence is the only sound.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

atropos...

deepest oceans of despair

this vast and somber
charcoal night of space

have you given up yet?

what hope lingers in the crevasses and corners of your soul?

i know you

you haven't given up yet

you are brave in this darkness, Saint Saturn

sometimes the bravest thing of all is to hope

so this is the new year...

and i don't feel any different.

What the hell has happened to this God-fearing/loving/honoring self of a man?

Look friends, it's really simple. 2008 hasn't been the best of years. By far. Yet I've got so much to be thankful for. But I've become much more of a pessimist lately, and I don't like that at all. What have I become. Who have I become.

I miss college. I miss people. Maybe I just miss those two put together all at the same time. I miss the Thursday night prayer meetings we'd have - where God would meet us, and we were just a small group of students asking the Almighty for his will to be done in our lives, and in the lives of those on our campus. 

I miss the late night conversations and the midnight food runs. The days in the park eating chipotle and the mario party tournaments. 7X7's at In-N-Out and soapbox symphony shows. Spring break road trips to Idaho and flights to Boston. Noon hoops with professors and early morning swims in the Pacific.

I was surrounded by friends, by people whose middle names I knew. I was on the brink of something beautiful with so many people. And then we graduated. Friends moved back home, where rent was affordable and family resided. The Arizona sun stole my best friend. The Northern California rain took a few more. And I stayed home. Where I have had seven different jobs, ranging from delivering blueprints to construction sites to calling the police and turning in someone who had a warrant out for their arrest.

The year I graduated I had a burning desire to move to Mexico and work with unfortunate orphans whose parents deserted them and left them to fend for themselves. Things happened, life happened...and my dream didn't. Again the possibility arose, and it didn't fit into my schedule, my own plan for my life. Today I left a message on the director's voicemail - and who knows if anything is going to come of it. I used the excuse to stay in OC because there are people and children who are less fortunate than I am. People who don't have a place to sleep or a job to go to. I would tell people there are just as many kids who need love, as there are south of the border. 

Still something in my heart yearns for those in what is known as el reino de los ninos - the kid's kingdom. Oh, and my Oscar is there too...

This is not the sound of settling.

Godspeed.

zip-a-dee-doo-dah...

why am i so over blogging lately?

wait, why am i so over most things lately?

umm hello...

blogger oh blogger.

where have you been.

where are the words to write, the phrases for others to enjoy.

is it me.

or is it you.

a lack of color...

But really, a lack of black and white. Here's why.

Monday morning was one of the best mornings I've ever had. Standing at the drive-thru window in Starbucks I could see rain falling from clouds in the distance. Falling so much in fact, that I could see it connecting with the hills. When I looked to my left I saw huge storm clouds looming over north Orange County, with splashes of lightning filling the sky every few minutes. It's not every day you can talk to customers about the weather here. This was one of them, and I'm sure the short conversations quickly helped fill our measly tip jar.

To continue the wonderful morning I was given my lunch break at 6:45. Which gave me perfect time to grab a sandwich and sit outside to watch the sunrise around 7:45.

And maybe this picture doesn't give it quite the justice, but for now (and forever) it will have to suffice.

I'm thankful for days like Monday.

I'm thankful for my girlfriend too.

She's amazing. But more on that later.

consecutive days fail...

Wow, I haven't posted for a week. So much for trying to post every day of September.

Sigh.

hello good morning...

You can refer to HERE, and then maybe I'll write more today when I have time.

Or maybe that will just suffice for today.

I don't know.

blah...

no really, blah.

life... (part iv)

"to die will be an awfully big adventure." - peter pan

And yet what about to live? So many times I hear people speaking of how they would love to die for the sake of Christ. How amazing, to stand up for what I believe in and die knowing I'll spend eternity with my Creator. In fairness, that might indeed be an amazing adventure and it might be your life calling - but I'd be comfortable enough to say that in all likelihood it's not.

With that in mind, what are we doing today that brings life to ourselves and to others. Are we selfishly living each hour to appease our greedy nature, or is there some method to our insanely busy days that gives us the notion to stop and think about why we have been given such an amazing life.

"It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it."  - john eldredge

Oh God, give me life, and may all I do be glorifying to you so that I may be fully alive.

More later...

random...

I suppose one of the downfalls of writing for two consecutive weeks is that your brain begins to slow down on things to think and write about. This is fine in some circumstances I suppose, such as considering it forces it to work harder and thus improves productivity in the long run - but for now it's still quite slow.

I learned a new thing today. I'm surprised I didn't know it earlier but better late than never. I learned how to type in an umlaut during an everyday typing conversation. You know, the two dots over a vowel, such as in the word Entouräge. In case you didn't know, you type alt-u then the letter in which you wish the magical dots to appear over.

Oh, back to not having ideas of things to write about. I have an idea, how about you, my loyal readers, give me suggestions as to topics I should write about. I'm open to anything really, and if I'm not I'll be sure to let you know.

Have at it!

100...

This marks my 100th post. Or so that's what blogger tells me. So I'm averaging about 33 posts a year. That's horrible.

But hey, at least this month is looking up - so far fourteen days and sixteen posts; not bad in my book.

Things I'm not looking forward to this week:

1. Waking up tomorrow morning for work seven hours from now.

Oh that's about it.

awakening...

face down with the LA curbside endings
with the ones and zeros
downtown was the perfect place to hide
the first star that I saw last night was a headlight
of a man-made sky, but man-made never made our dreams collide
collide

here we are now with the falling sky and the rain
we're awakening
here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain
we're awakening
maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
about a dream

we're awakening

last week found me living for nothing but deadlines
with my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
these dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
and in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive
alive

i want to wake up kicking and screaming
i want to wake up kicking and screaming
i want to know that my heart's still beating
it's beating
i'm bleeding
i want to wake up kicking and screaming
i want to live like I know what I'm leaving
i want to know that my heart's still beating
it's beating... it's beating...
i'm bleeding

sometime around midnight...

Every Friday morning I wake up to weed-whackers, leaf-blowers and lawn-mowers. They're just sitting there, in my room, staring at me. "Wake up" they say. It's time to get up - it's seven in the morning and you need to open your sleepy eyes. We don't care if you've only got six hours of sleep, we've been sleeping all week and we're not complaining. "WAKE UP!"

I'll wake up, I tell them, but I'm not getting out of bed. At least not until after nine - at least then I have the satisfaction of being in bed for at least eight hours. And in that time I'm able to put good use to my pillows that say "don't leave" every time I lift my head up to the incessant groaning of my alarm clock. You'd be surprised at how many inanimate objects speak to you, if you'd just open your ears and listen...

My computer sings to me. My clothes tell me how good I look. My shoes tell me how fast I am. My tv tells me I need more stuff. My phone says I'll never have to be alone. The list goes on and on people - and in all honesty sometimes I wish all I owned were the clothes on my back. 

But I regress. For tomorrow morning I'm not going to be happy with my alarm clock, and my pillows are not going to be happy with me. I'm sure sometime around midnight tonight I'm going to be thinking - why am I awake? And then I'll remember about that time that I have to be at work in four hours, smile and say - oh yes I only wanted two REM cycles anyway...

tonight tonight...

I'm looking good.

Hahaha.

Just thought I'd share - because hey, I can and I will and you can't stop me.

Boo-yah!!!

food for thought...

It can get annoying waiting for someone. Especially when food is involved. At least for me.

On Sunday I made plans with my friend Colin to have lunch with him on Wednesday. Today is Wednesday, it is almost noon; and I am hungry. The only problem is that he does not get out of his class until 1:20, which means we won't be at our lunch destination until 1:40. My stomach is annoyed with me.

Annoyed with the fact that I haven't fed him since around 7:30 last night, and even though that was a delicious TJ's ice cream sandwich, he still isn't happy with me. Oh wait, I even gave him some TJ's spice bread this morning, but no - he's still crying out for more food. 100 minutes I tell him, but he's still frowning.

Maybe, just maybe, when I feed him that delicious In N Out burger, he will smile at me and say, well done my slave.

2 atoms in a molecule...

I've just completed my first full day working at Starbucks. I really enjoyed it. Surprisingly more than I thought I would. It's nice to be back in the swing of work again, even if I'm making less than I was on unemployment. My co-workers are fun to work with, and I'm learned to prepare myself for a good conversation, such as this one:

X: How's it going?

Me: Good thanks, I'm James.

X: Nice to meet you Jim, I'm X. You going to school?

Me: No, just working. 

X: That's about where I'm at.

Me: Yeah just needed a job.

X: It's cool cuz you work with lots of girls here. I mean there's always new ones.

What the HECK!?

So much went through my head at the end of that conversation that I didn't know if I should just laugh to myself or what. 

Good times.

But really, I'm learning rather quickly and my co-workers are surprised because they say they are used to people taking forever to learn how to mix coffee and milk and syrup. Just remember folks, 2 shots in a grande espresso...

chicken, or tomatoes...

Because I am such a loving brother and want my sister to eat good, healthy food, I made sure to switch her five chicken nuggets with five small tomatoes while she was busy doing something else. I took the chicken nuggets, hid them in the cup cupboard (redundant?), and shuffled off to my room. I knew she'd find them right away, considering this isn't the first time I have done such a thing as this. Maybe I need to find a better hiding spot.

Oh did I mention I took her to get them after picking her up from work? Or that it was my idea to get food from a not-so-good fast food joint? Didn't think so, but then again it doesn't make me any less wonderful of a brother.

strong enough to break...

"It's better to build boys than to mend men." - S. Truett Cathy, as seen on a Chick-fil-A hospitality mint wrapper

Sam's got a good point here, but I can't help but think something's got to be done about the men that need mending as well. At the same time Father Flanagan had brought this idea to the forefront before Mr. Cathy, although there is no mention of it on the wikipedia article. You see, Edward first began with homeless men, trying to help them get rid of their alcohol addictions etc. But he realized there wasn't much he could do to reform a man set in his ways, so he focused his attention on children.

I really don't know where I'm trying to go with this post, but I suppose it's dividing that fine line of giving up on people...

I just finished To Kill A Mockingbird, and I really appreciated Atticus and the way he raised Jem and Scout. Maybe it was his demeanor, maybe it was the way he stuck to his beliefs about treating everyone the same. Either way, he wasn't about to let his children speak ill of another person, no matter how much he wished that "Bob Ewell wouldn't chew tobacco."

this is twice now...

So I congratulate myself for already having a great fail at the beginning of the week. Time for a short story.

As you may know I have been anticipating jury duty tomorrow morning. In preparation for this, and in conjunction with making sure I'm still able to take my scooter, I made reservations at Casa de Moore - a fine establishment in the heart of beautiful Costa Mesa. These reservations were for a one night stay on carpeted flooring, a luxury I was much looking forward to. You see, it was either this or taking my scooter back home to spend the night in my comfy bed. If I were to have taken my scooter home, then it would have meant driving back from Costa Mesa, as I was already going to be there, to home where I would spend the night, and then scooting all the way back up past Costa Mesa to Santa Ana where my prospective juror status awaits me.

So after a wonderful dinner of steak and crab legs at my grandparent's house I trekked over to my house to pick up the few things I would need for my night's stay. Toothbrush, check. Underwear, check. Shirt, check. Sweatshirt, check. Book, check. I was ready to go! So with backpack in hand full of goodies I made my way back up to Costa Mesa. Alas, there was only one problem, one I didn't realize until I was comfortably relaxing...and that was that I had forgotten my jury summons paper which included my juror badge and juror id number. 

Wait for it.....................FAIL.

I frantically checked online to see if there was any way of bypassing this small necessity, but sigh - not answer was to be found on the world wide web. (Not to mention the Orange County juror page needs some serious updating). In this day and age I should be able to find out any information I could ever want to know, yet I suppose there are just some things we're not ever supposed to know the answer to. So instead of spending the night thirteen miles away from my destination, I now get to spend it at home, a mere twenty-nine miles away. 

I suppose it's for the better - I was able to get twenty miles of refreshing sea air, which was surprisingly not as cold as I thought it would be. Not only that, but now I figure I'll drive my car around  all day tomorrow because let's face it, I don't want to scoot for an hour when it will only take me thirty five minutes driving.

Let's just pray there's no traffic.

epitome of hyperbole...

i have jury duty tomorrow. no wait, monday. the courts aren't open on sundays...probably not best to commit a crime on a friday. or on any day for that matter. but let's get to the point. i'm watching brian regan on comedy central right now (thanks CoRri) and if you haven't heard him before then i suggest you fix that. he's clean, and he's funny. in my book, that's a good combination for a comedian. 

i had to laugh though, because he had a small bit where he was talking about how everyone is trying to one-up the other person when trying to get out of jury duty. this one guy was a victim of however many crimes and the guy after him was one of that many more. reminds me somewhat of kristen wiig. (that's right i gave you two different links. i'm awesome like that).

anyway i'm hoping that the best thing to do is just sit and look young and stupid and maybe the prosecutor won't pick me, because hey - they're guilty if they're making me sit there and listen to them. oh what a great citizen i am.

in other news i think i'm going to be a political satirist - it might be the best way to go.

wake me up before you go-go...

Either I'm super excited to know I start another job today after a four month hiatus, or I love the way my hair looks. Either way, my teeth could use some straightening, but that's beside the point. The sun is already making its way through the fog layer, I must congratulate it for doing such a good job this early in the morning. 

I'm eager to see what working at starbucks actually looks like. You can only hear so many things from others working there until the only way to truly know is to, well, know. And then of course there's interacting with people again and dealing with distraught customer's whose coffee is not perfect. 

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

we can be good...

i've finally got my car back after a month or so hiatus, and immediately i felt the repercussions. i think it's still sunny and warm enough to be scooting around, at least for now. hopefully it will stay that way for a while. 

i start working at starbucks tomorrow. that's right, the so-called corporate conglomerate of coffee. i'm not sure if it's just the orientation or if i'll actually have to start learning how to brew coffee and steep tea. okay, so i know how to steep tea - as a matter of fact i'm doing that right now (tea-minus three minutes and counting). nothing like a nice hot cup of caffeine in the middle of the night.

to kill a mockingbird has gone slowly for me. i've only been reading one chapter at a time but i'm still enjoying it. time is going to start speeding up as soon as i start working, and it's quite possible my time to read will begin to diminish...it only makes sense.

(my tea is done and it's delicious. praise the Lord for my south african heritage! [even if it is british tea...])

in other news, i had a good conversation with my brother yesterday. we rarely talk, and our opportunities for actual constructed sentences are few and far between. i also had a nice talk with my mum this afternoon; ranging from relationships to politics and her desire to have the ability to actually one day vote in the country she's been living in for the past 34 years.

bluetooth...

I've had the apple bluetooth keyboard for almost a year now, and I must say it is a pretty dandy contraption. Funny thing is, I don't use it that much, seeing that it's much easier to type on the keyboar of the laptop, being able to see the screen and all. Yet, I know one of these days (not anytime soon mind you) I'm going to buy a flatscreen monitor. How exciting huh?

[Okay so let's face it, I'm not the greatest writer. Many times I won't even post because I think to myself - oh I don't have anything good to say, or I have no idea where I want to start, and who knows if I'll even be able to get a point across. But I figure in order to write well you have to keep writing, even if your first however many years are bland and mundane. That's okay though, I'm not published, I doubt I ever will be, and I don't really have a desire to.]

My room is almost officially clean. You should have seen it these past couple of days, literally an inferno of mess. All I have left is to vacuum the floor and put away a couple small things. I'm excited to have a clean room again, the only problem is I know that it has the ability to somehow get messy again in less than a week.  I'm going to do my best to fix that though, one short day at a time. Or maybe should I say one article of clothing at a time?

It's amazing how much more at peace I feel when something as simple as my room is clean.  It's brings a nice sigh of relief to me, and for that I am grateful. Oddly enough, with a clean room my life seems to go along more smoothly as well. (I suppose that has something to do with the whole peace thing.)

I like peace.

scoot scoot...

I don't know if it will work, but I'm going to try and blog every day of this month. Dream big right?

Have I ever mentioned that I love that the "labels for this post" examples at the bottom of the new entry page contains scooters? I do. Because I love my scooter. My nameless scooter. You'd think after four years together I'd be kind enough to name the poor thing. I've taken it through enough pain and suffering to at least give it the common decency of a proper noun.

Little known facts about my scooter, for those of you possibly wishing to help in this naming game:

- only one mirror on the left side, the other is broken off and won't be fixed soon

- scratches on the right side of body, broken footpeg on right

- color silver

- official name is a Piaggio LT 150 (LT stands for Liberty)

- Italian made, gas powered, and AWESOME

Just a few things, most of you who read this have seen it many a time anyway, so really, I just need your help.

:)

umbrellas...

.you were meant for amazing things.

Early morning fog today. Made for a damp ride up the coast. No matter how many times I take that ride I don't think I'll ever get sick of it. Sure there will be times when I'll wish I was at my destination earlier than when I will arrive, but there is beauty in the ocean as well as the rolling hills of asphalt. 

I can't count the number of times I travelled from Dana Point to Costa Mesa via PCH. I'd have to say the majority of my 14,000+ miles have been spent going back and forth between these two cities. You'd think I'd get bored of the monotonous lights and shops and cars, but really I've come to find out it's not as bad as it seems.

Especially now.

command-v fail...

i had a long quote from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind written here. for some reason blogger doesn't like it when you copy/paste. 

so the quote is gone. and so is any effort to try and explain it.

a paper bag...

I'm starting to read again. This can only be a good thing. I still have yet to finish all those books I talked about a couple years ago, but I'm sure with time I'll go back to them and read them. Last week I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and although I'd like to read it again to write about what I thought about it, I decided to read all the books that were mentioned within its pages.

I read The Great Gatsby the next couple of days after that, and now after a short trip down to my library I picked up To Kill a Mockingbird among many others.  The library didn't have two of the books mentioned in Perks, but I'm sure I'll be able to pick those up when the time comes. 

I think tomorrow calls for the beach and more of Mockingbird.

so now what...

it's not like i'm new to this
this life that God has so abundantly blessed me with
with friends, family and so much more
more than i deserve, more than i can imagine

imagine what God has in store for me
me, little 'ol me, what am i waiting for?
for a fanfare or a small movement of a rock?
rock my world God, that's all i can ask

ask me to follow you and i'll go
go where you lead me wherever it is
is that enough for me to wish?
wish it were that easy...



God use me. Show me something that isn't easy, that isn't mundane or repetitive. Give me something to chase after, something much more than I've ever experienced before. In you, and you alone I trust. My heart is yours.

chip off the old block...

A couple months ago I had all four wisdom teeth extracted. My reason for doing so was two-fold. First, my dental insurance was soon to disappear, and I figured I would save over a thousand dollars by not waiting any longer and using as much free money as I could. Second, my teeth were beginning to give me problems, I'm just not the type of person to get something fixed if it's not broken or causing me a substantial amount of pain.

Well everything went fine and dandy; I was put under during the operation - which was an experience in itself  - and was out of the dental office in seemingly no time at all. The dentist who performed the procedure told me they were able to perform the surgery with only one slight hiccough - a tiny piece of chipped tooth was stuck in my gums but it would not pose any problem as this happened "every now and then." I figured for $500 a tooth you'd be able to take out the whole thing, but I suppose with all that hammering and drilling you're bound to miss something. So my mom picked me up, we went to jamba juice and I bought me a smoothie. Or my mom bought me one - that sounds more like it. The holes in my mouth were healing, there were no dry sockets, and the swelling was minimal. Awesome.

About three weeks later though, I started getting a sharp pain in the lower left section where my tooth number thirty-eight had been extracted. I figured it wasn't something I should be worried about, and flew off to Arizona to spend time with my good friends AJ, Rhi and their son Coben. During the trip the pain seemed to get gradually worse and I told myself I would go back to the dentist to ask them about it. The day after I arrived home I called the dentist and was able to go see him that morning. He told me that it was most likely a bruise, although there was a very small chance that it could be some piece of food lodged in there which could be the problem. He told me to come back in two weeks, which I did, and by that time the swelling was gone and all was fine. Hallelujah.

Fast-forward to this Monday night. I had just finished playing a softball game in which we lost, not to mention I sprained my finger sliding head first into third base; but that's another story for another time. It was my teammate's birthday and we were having birthday cake for her after the game - which was a wonderful thing. Except of course for the fact that I wasn't in the mood for birthday cake after losing a softball game to a team who had a combined attitude of fail. Anyway, as I was eating my cake, my tongue brushed up against the healing hole of tooth number thirty-eight and I felt a sharp piece of...something. I wasn't sure of what it was, but I did realize that every time I pushed my tongue against it I was cutting my tongue little by little. 

I wondered what in the world could be stuck in my toothless hole, considering I couldn't recall eating anything sharp that would lodge itself there. Last night my tongue kept going back to it and I knew that I would either have to go back to the dentist to have them take a look at it or I would have to perform surgery myself. Being one that would rather take matters into his own hands, I woke up this morning, walked downstairs, grabbed a toothpick, and made my way back to the upstairs bathroom to perform surgery. With said toothpick in right hand I faced the mirror and opened my mouth to insert my high-tech dental instrument. Using the toothpick somewhat like a crowbar I dislodged the sharp something and let out a sigh of relief combined with a groan. (It was an interesting sound, ask my sister). 

Lo and behold - there in my hand sat the chip of my mandibular third molar aforementioned in paragraph two. My only complaint though is that I don't consider it to be a "tiny piece." No, not something that would "not pose any problem." Not only that, but I'm surprised that the dentist did not put two-and-two together: the first two being that they had left broken tooth in my mouth, and the second that I was experiencing pain in that same place. I'm just grateful to my little Chip though, because he decided to find his way out of the dark abscess where he resided for two months.

And yes, I've kept Chip so you can see what he looks like. I'm sure he'd be glad to meet you.

fhqwhgads...

so this time i bring only my best

'cause You deserve only this

temp-ing...

That's right folks, today I scooted my little butt over to AppleOne in hopes for a job.

Let them do the work for me right?

Right.

I told them I'm available for anything - I figure that way I'm guaranteed something in a minimal amount of time. Unless of course they have to search more jobs as a result of that. But that's their job correct? Correct.

Don't think of me as lazy, think of me as Gepetto, creating a live puppet instead of having to twist and turn the strings myself.

hugs...

People tell me I'm a good hug-giver.

I believe it to be true.

Now I just need someone to hug.

life in technicolor...

let's write.

frankly, i don't consider myself a writer at all. my grammar and typing etiquette aren't up to par and i don't figure they will be any time soon. fine by me though. all the more reason to just keep writing and writing, maybe one day i'll get better. actually, i've heard that if you read books you're more likely to be a better writer. makes perfect sense.

i promised a friend i would pick up a book this week and read it after their suggestion. i didn't. it's true i forgot but c'mon it's not like i didn't have anything pressing to do this week. the book's called the road less traveled; anyone heard of it?

my penny collection is slowly but surely rising. i've started adding dollar bills to my sparkletts jug, just to make it interesting...and the money is certainly adding up faster now. (duh). 

so my battery on my mac is pretty much ka-put. it's gone through 403 cycles these past two years and the guy at the mac store said they only replace them if they're less than a year old. well that's obviously not the case but right now i don't have the budget to spend $130 on a battery. i'll just have to keep it plugged in for now. i'd also like to buy another gig of memory and install leopard, but those will just have to wait. why oh why are computers so expensive. i could probably buy a semi-decent desktop for the $350 i want/need to put into my laptop.

that's about it for now, methinks i'm going to watch an episode of weeds and then go to bed.

oh - i recommend reading 1 John. that's good stuff.

change...

I have the strange feeling that blogger wants me to update or change or fiddle with my template. Yet I don't want to; so I won't.

Overall, I'm a fan of change - of course usually only when it's beneficial to me. (What a great American citizen I'm turning out to be).

Goodness I'm rambling - how utterly not exciting. 

I came to the realization today that I wanted to start reading more people's blogs on a regular basis.  Right now I'm at five and I want to double that by the end of the summer. That shouldn't be too hard now should it? I hope not. 

I'm excited, for a few things right now. 

this might be the end of me...

Leave it to corporate giants in our day and age to shut down any fun American citizens might have.

If you haven't guessed already, which I'm undoubtedly sure you haven't, I'm speaking of the heinous crime of Facebook shutting down Scrabulous as a result of Hasbro's incessant complaining that infringement upon copyright has been made. Read it HERE.

I'd like to quote Victor in his comment to this post: Productivity will soar with the Facebook Scrabulous application shut down. Those millions of us who cannot go a day without playing this wonderful version of the word game will be forced to find other pursuits..."

Maybe, just maybe, this will motivate me to get a job.

suresy...

Before July completely disappears on us I figure it's best to write a small little update.

I'm jobless.  Still.

I thank God for singleness. Still.

Jobhunting is never fun. Still.

Every Monday, like tonight, I play softball. I love it. 

le sigh...

I've been away for a while. And I apologize.

But I've had nothing to write lately.

Do they say that when you have nothing to write it's the best time to put words down on paper, or on a screen for this instance?

I don't know.

4/4...

What is it, with April the Fourth.

I would like to know.

Is it just me, and my yearly PMS?

Or is there more to it than that.

I may never know.

But a pox on you: 

the fourth day

of the fourth month.

And may those who tread with me on that day, forever tread lightly.

darkness...

...there's light no matter how dark the tunnel

no matter how broken, you'll be renewed...

Prayer.

let your love be strong...

in this world of news, i've found nothing new

i've found nothing pure

maybe i'm just idealistic to assume that truth

could be fact and form

that love could be a verb

maybe i'm just a little misinformed

as the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh

let the trains watch over the tides and the mist

spinning circles in our skies tonight

let the trucks roll in from los angeles

maybe our stars are unanimously tired

let your love be strong, and i don't care what goes down

let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud

fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes

all of my world hanging on your love

let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin

let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart

train the monkeys on my back to fight

let it start tonight

when my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground

falling down like broken satellites

let your love be strong, and i don't care what goes down

let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud

fury and thunder clap like stealing fire from your skies

all that i am hanging on, all of my world resting on your love