change...

I have the strange feeling that blogger wants me to update or change or fiddle with my template. Yet I don't want to; so I won't.

Overall, I'm a fan of change - of course usually only when it's beneficial to me. (What a great American citizen I'm turning out to be).

Goodness I'm rambling - how utterly not exciting. 

I came to the realization today that I wanted to start reading more people's blogs on a regular basis.  Right now I'm at five and I want to double that by the end of the summer. That shouldn't be too hard now should it? I hope not. 

I'm excited, for a few things right now. 

this might be the end of me...

Leave it to corporate giants in our day and age to shut down any fun American citizens might have.

If you haven't guessed already, which I'm undoubtedly sure you haven't, I'm speaking of the heinous crime of Facebook shutting down Scrabulous as a result of Hasbro's incessant complaining that infringement upon copyright has been made. Read it HERE.

I'd like to quote Victor in his comment to this post: Productivity will soar with the Facebook Scrabulous application shut down. Those millions of us who cannot go a day without playing this wonderful version of the word game will be forced to find other pursuits..."

Maybe, just maybe, this will motivate me to get a job.

suresy...

Before July completely disappears on us I figure it's best to write a small little update.

I'm jobless.  Still.

I thank God for singleness. Still.

Jobhunting is never fun. Still.

Every Monday, like tonight, I play softball. I love it. 

le sigh...

I've been away for a while. And I apologize.

But I've had nothing to write lately.

Do they say that when you have nothing to write it's the best time to put words down on paper, or on a screen for this instance?

I don't know.

4/4...

What is it, with April the Fourth.

I would like to know.

Is it just me, and my yearly PMS?

Or is there more to it than that.

I may never know.

But a pox on you: 

the fourth day

of the fourth month.

And may those who tread with me on that day, forever tread lightly.

darkness...

...there's light no matter how dark the tunnel

no matter how broken, you'll be renewed...

Prayer.

let your love be strong...

in this world of news, i've found nothing new

i've found nothing pure

maybe i'm just idealistic to assume that truth

could be fact and form

that love could be a verb

maybe i'm just a little misinformed

as the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh

let the trains watch over the tides and the mist

spinning circles in our skies tonight

let the trucks roll in from los angeles

maybe our stars are unanimously tired

let your love be strong, and i don't care what goes down

let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud

fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes

all of my world hanging on your love

let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin

let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart

train the monkeys on my back to fight

let it start tonight

when my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground

falling down like broken satellites

let your love be strong, and i don't care what goes down

let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud

fury and thunder clap like stealing fire from your skies

all that i am hanging on, all of my world resting on your love

sooner than later...

if our thoughts were posted for all the world to see. 

we would be miserable. 

and yet. 

if people knew how we really felt.

things might be easier. 

oh sure - we'd probably all be locked up within a week if every single thought were released...or at least i would...

but the concept of it...

well you get the picture right?

why do words that need to be said, go unsaid for so long?

is it to save face? 

is it to do no harm? 

is it selfish? 

probably.

...

Words escape me. 

what now...

It's about that time again.  I'd like to start writing more on this here website actually...let's just see how it goes.

Today at work was a bummer of a day.  Long story short, I didn't get a small promotion - which in all actuality I didn't deserve, but I somehow thought that if I were to get it then I would start working harder.  I know that should never be the case; but over the past month I didn't do anything about it.  Foolish me.

So how do I feel about the whole situation? It's hard not to be totally and utterly pissed at myself.  I want to throw an effing pity-party for myself yet I know that's one of the worst things I could do.  I can kick myself in the pants, I certainly deserve that - it's just.  s.i.g.h.

Where's the spark James?  Where's the all-consuming fire that once burned bright?  What has been extinguished that was once ever so prevalent to everyone?  To your friends, your family, your co-workers.  Who are you trying to become?  What are you trying to find your identity in?  

A few of the guys from my church meet every Tuesday for breakfast at Coco's.  Community, I've found, has been one of the greatest encouragements to me lately.  We all decided it would be a good idea to write a personal mission statement to start off our year.  I thought I might add my rough draft here.  Just for the heck of it, you know.

I, James Pierce, strive to live a life that glorifies Christ. A man must decide whom he is going to follow. I will follow Christ and seek God's will in all I do. In order to do this I will devote time every day to reading the Bible as well as spending time in prayer.

As a son and a brother I desire to honor my parents in all I do.  I will allow my actions and attitude toward my parents be ones that give a positive roll model to my younger siblings.

As a co-worker I will strive to have an attitude that is uplifting and pleasing to God. I will not allow the attitude of others affect my own, as well as affect how I treat the children. I will see the children I work with as blessed and loved by God.

As a friend I strive to be honest and open in all I say and do. When I fail a friend I will not run, hide, or blameshift; but rather be truthful about my actions and in doing so continually have a higher standard of living.

a world of pure imagination...

I haven't written in a while.

Last month flew by.  I feel like I didn't accomplish anything.  I almost got a great job offer but wasn't qualified enough to do any of it.  I've got a friend working at Trader Joe's who makes more in 30 hours than I do in 40.  I'm trying not to be pessimistic, it's oh so difficult.

My friends seem to be overly focused on girls right now.  To the point where one of them took a girl out last night and another is taking her out tonight.  I don't get it - and they better clear that up before something happens to where they get mad at one another.

Another person semi-laughed at me about the fact that I'm saving pennies to buy my future wife's wedding ring with.  I've been collecting for almost four years now and my sparkletts jug is slowly but surely becoming heavier...it's certainly true that a penny saved is a penny earned.  

I'm excited for this new year though.  Really I am - I'm aiming to read the Bible in a year with my friend Colin (the one mentioned in the first two paragraphs).  I'm also going to have a new job within my company in the next few months, or at least I think I am.  

Maybe I'll move to Mexico.

ruby...

cry little girl. cry.

cry long and hard.

don't stop crying.

life is. not. fair.

yesterday this. tomorrow that.

what will break you.

what will push you over the edge.

i pray it nothing you ever find.

your life. is meaningful.

your world. it seems. crashes down.

every damn day.

every minute there is pain.

there is loss.

you deserve none of it.

you deserve LIFE.


i cry. for you. now i weep.

be strong little girl.

hold fast. to something. to truth. to love.

you know love. to lose is to love.

but damn the man who made it that way.

may he be eternally damned to the deepest part of hell.


why you.

why my beautiful ruby.

why. why. why. why. why.

fire...

Many of you know that California is ablaze right now with over 300 square miles already burned; that's bigger than Chicago people. It's hard not to find humor in the situation, as sometimes it's our only way of saying that we care. I find that odd though; as I do for many other situations where humor is used in place of true fear or worry. Even so, eating breakfast with my friends this morning I had to point out a new item on the Coco's menu. Eggs on Fire. I didn't order them, I figured that would be too deserving of hell points, but true, I did make a conscious effort to point them out.

All this reminds me of though, is when our house caught on fire back in '99. We lost almost everything from the water and smoke damage, and it was a trying time for my family. The worst part was at the very beginning when I was driving home and wasn't allowed in my cul-de-sac because a big fire truck was blocking the entrance. As I drove past I saw my house on fire. That's something I would never wish on anyone. Ever. Or was the worst part calling my work and telling them I couldn't come into work that day because my house was on fire, and them asking if I could come in later in the afternoon. Hmmm...

In other news, today is such a beautiful day that I would love to spend it outside, but this smoke and haze surrounding us is not particularly beneficial to anyones health. And I appreciate my health enough to realize I need to clear the mess that is in my room to bring me a little more peace in life.

And to bring joy to my mum.

workaholic extraordinaire...

It seems whenever I find myself working, I do so for long periods of time. This is no fault of my own mind you, I'm only required to show up during my regularly scheduled work week. But therein lies the problem, as I'm usually only scheduled four days out of the week, and two of those days somehow always end up being twelve hours of work. This can be nice at times, especially when I'm scheduled three twelve-hour days; leaving room for one day with only four hours to be around for. Trust me, in a four hour shift there's really not much you can do. And if you do end up doing all the work that needs to get done, you're finished before you realize. Not so with working twelve hours in a row.

Today was one of those work days that seemed to drag on and on and on. I found myself walking in circles more than once, and when I told my mom this when I got home she suggested walking in triangles and squares next time; something I'll have to do. I was productive once or twice, for I picked up four kids from school and was gracious enough to bring them back home. I also helped a couple kids wash their hands after going to the bathroom and I helped a girl with her homework before I left tonight.

The best part today though, was all the comments I got on my bow-tie. I had a small whim to wear it today, and I'm so very glad I did because of all the monotonous work that seemed to trickle a little faster with my humorous attire. My co-workers called me a nut, especially because it wasn't an ordinary black bow-tie but a plaid one, and I was given a few weird looks picking up four kids from school wearing jeans and a dress shirt con bow-tie. I admired it though, and yet thankfully not more so than the children with whom I work. One kid, who shall rename nameless for now out of the protection of the innocent, kept flicking it and saying bow-die, not being able to truly pronounce his t's yet. And another thought it silly enough to laugh at every time she saw me, but maybe that's just because she does that anyway.

All in all, it was a good day, even if it was one of my longer days. Besides, it just makes me look forward to the few eight-hour days I have every once in a while, and even more so the four-hour ones.

So here's to work, and here's to amusing attire, may they coincide and bring joy to our lives.

losing lisa...

tonight i cried for a friend.
not because of loss, or uncertainty.
but because of their life, their choices.

if they were to ask me.
if i looked down on them.
i'd say no, not at all.

because i don't.
but i still hurt.
i still wish they knew the truth.

and so i live, my life.
in a way that would bring light.
to a lost and dying world.

so as not to lose lisa.

silence...

eyes searching in hope of
what?
a wink, a faltering lip?
a face to be non-existent for the rest of time

written words greeted with silence
never to be seen by another's eyes
so they sit - hidden away forever
it's best that way, you know

to keep feelings bottled up inside
to keep emotion hidden from the world
when do you know if it's ever real
where is the hope that once seemed ever present

i'm losing at this game of life
batting .000 in a world full of failures
and yet they aren't seen as failures at .300
how odd the ways of man

i smile, and laugh, at my immaturity
but the laughter goes unnoticed, even by myself
rainfall makes more noise on a blanket of snow
than the echoes of my cachinnation

bounder of adventure...

I got another blogger...

So check it out - I'll write about my soon to be travels on it and such.

I'm not leaving here - I just can't keep one for some reason...

So HERE you go.

:)

monkey island...

I finally got Monkey Island 1 to work on my N800. This is going to do wonders for my plane ride across the country in four days. It'll also do wonders to killing my time whenever I'm bored.

But it took a while. To begin with, Monkey Island only just became freeware at the end of April, but I didn't find this out until just now after digging a little deeper than before. I actually don't think I had searched for it again since the middle of April, but I can't be too certain. Thanks to web forums and helpful downloads from fanoush I was able to download both MI 1 & 2, and have them forever...

In other news, I'm leaving in four days for Europe, and I couldn't be more excited. I'll try to keep you updated as much as I can on my trip - I'll have internet everywhere I go thanks to the N800 once again, but who knows how often I'll post.

Until then,

Godspeed.

meh...

I don't know what to say. I was just given a raise at my job after working there for a year and it was for forty-three cents. I don't know whether to laugh or be completely frustrated and mad at the whole situation.

Ugh...

Update - I don't know if I can be mad really, considering it's more than some people are given. Sigh - I just needed to vent....

house-sitting...

Since the 27th of July I have been house-sitting for two different families. It's been nice, because I get to have my own house to live in for almost a month, and I get paid to eat their food. Another advantage is that I've been closer to work both times, and that is always a nice thing. I need the money too, as I'm on my way to Europe in less than two weeks. This is a much needed trip and I'm definitely looking forward to being away from work and America for three weeks. I keep joking with my co-workers that I'm going to give my two-weeks notice when I'm in Ireland, but alas I know that won't happen; unless of course I find some beautiful Italian woman and decide to spend the rest of my life in Italy.

Only God knows...