passport protection...

dang it's been a while.

but heyyy...you can count on this being updated more often now - i give my word.

just not now, gotta run!

rain rain rain...

i love the rain here. the mornings will start off nice and sunny and have the makings of a beautiful day. but by the time the afternoon rolls around...you'll hear one crack of thunder and then you know the rain is near. shortly, if not immediately, thereafter, the rain falls. and hard. and i love it.

our street goes a fraction downhill, and so when the rain pours the gutters fill up and the road becomes somewhat of a river. it's a sight to see, that's for sure. at times trash bags will be carried along, with random tree branches and even small children.

i'm just glad i don't have to be riding my scooter in all of this.

invictus...

i've been breaking my back... yeah

only to show You
how very lost one can be
and bitterness fires through me

the brilliance that was
is flickering cold
slowly burning to ash
i'm choking on pride
i'm closing my eyes
'till one day i'm scared to go back

You part the shadows
Light of the World
destroy the blindness
peace eternal

take this broken heart
if it brings You praise
take this beaten soul
shivering hands i will raise

Hope Unstoppable
sing the morning sun
wake up oh sleeper
the Daylight has come

You are, You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable

take this broken heart
if it brings You praise
take this beaten soul
shivering hands i will raise

Hope Unstoppable
sing the morning sun
wake up oh sleeper
the Daylight has come

You are, You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable
You are You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable

i've been breaking my back
only to show you how very lost
one can be

sigh...

content.

in the weirdest of ways.

my circumstances make me smile.

don't ask me how, or why.

i have no answer.

i just know that life.

is good.

friends...

This post goes out to Kyle and Joel.

Just because.

lord (i don't know)...

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

proverbs 3:5-6...

trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding

in all your ways acknowledge Him

and He will make your paths straight

i need thee...

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power
When Thou art nigh

I need thee, oh, I need thee, every hour I need Thee
I need thee, I need thee, I need Thee every hour

I need Thee every hour in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is in vain
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee
Oh I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

untitled...

it's my downfall, it is
a seemingly unending cycle
pick one up and try to hold on
until i've dropped and broken it

chunk at least was unaware
even if his friends weren't
he'd do anything you asked
oblivious of his inadequacies

which is better
to know
or
to have no idea

i say the former
at least i can try
but not try to not fail
but to simply do the best i can

so is that what i'm looking for
a chance to prove myself to others
look at me - i'm finally a winner
of something never meant to be won

i'll never call myself a failure
i'll never say i didn't try
but when will i finally
become a man fully alive


.tbc.

happy easter...

somewhere over the rainbow
way up high
and the dreams that you dreamed of
once in a lullaby
somewhere over the rainbow
blue birds fly
and the dreams that you dreamed of
dreams really do come true
someday i'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me
somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
and the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't i?

well i see trees of green and
red roses too,
i'll watch them bloom for me and you
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

well i see skies of blue and i see clouds of white
and the brightness of day
i like the dark and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

the colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
are also on the faces of people passing by
i see friends shaking hands
saying, "how do you do?"
they're really saying, i...i love you
i hear babies cry and i watch them grow
they'll learn much more
than we'll know
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

someday i'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
and the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't i?

real...

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

God help me.

glory...

it's hard to describe

all that is being done

deliberate service, yes

but for what good

just a glimpse

seems to be all i'm ever given

back home

i go back and live comfortably

fitted sheets

down pillows

food in the fridge

milk delivered fridays

seek first his kingdom

and his righteousness

and all these things

will be given to you as well

yes...

but what about

them as well

still...

Oh God, take this life...

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

febrero...

February is coming to an end. My how the time flies.

I'm liking being in another country. It's...refreshing. I love having six roommates. I love seeing people and doing everything together every day. 

...I don't miss "home" 

...I don't miss California

Oh I miss people, and I miss friendships.

I just don't see myself living in Orange County for the rest of my life. Maybe I will, maybe that will be what God calls me to.

But I've got a strong sense it isn't.

saturday night...

Filling empty space.

Through time spent with 'friends'.

Previously planned excitement.

Eventual disappointment.

Where does opinion intersect concrete unity?

Don't speak what's on your mind.

For fear of rejection.

Hide emotion.

Fake smiles please fools.

When do acquaintances become qualified friendships?

Please don't miss me.

My life goes on.

My heart stays shut.

My walls close in.

Who determines the reality of heartfelt truth.

Let birds fly free.

Wings clipped bring pain.

Loose the rain upon unbelievers.

Run unhindered into seclusion.

Why fix something that's been broken over and over.

fields of the fallen...

hi world.

i've been busy lately, i apologize. i suppose it's good though, in a sense, to be too busy to sit down by myself at a computer and type away into the night, or morning for that matter. 

a lot's been going on. most of it good. a little sadness mixed in there as well.

i need to go right now though...i have a memorial service to go to.

my friend's grandpa was in a car accident yesterday. he suffered a stroke and has been in ICU for the past twenty-four hours; unconscious and unresponsive. i'm told he's not going to make it.

it's times like these....when.

words are never enough.

fact not fiction...

so much to do. so little time.

willy wonka's words never rang so true. 

one foot in front of the other. one step at a time.

life still couldn't be better.

hope...

there's so much i have to be thankful for lately. i have so many reasons to smile, so many things to be glad about.

today is a good day.