cr...

oh God.

take this heart.

take these hands.

take these feet.

and use them.

thy kingdom come.

thy will be done.

on earth.

as it is in heaven.

i am nothing.

can do nothing.

have nothing.

except through you.

i will give my best.

it will not be good enough.

i will suffer and see no fruit.

but your plan is perfect.

the brilliance that was is flickering cold.

slowly burning to ash.

i'm choking on pride, closing my eyes.

'till one day i'm scared to come back.

time flies...

I'm amazed that it's already January 24th. Just yesterday it was 2008 and I was in another state hanging out with friends on New Year's Eve. A lot has happened in these past days. A lot of joy and excitement and a lot of pain and discouragement. But I hold fast to the knowledge that God is good. And not just good, but goooooooooooood. I'm realizing more and more, each and every day, that God is so very faithful in everything. His plans for me are more than amazing, and his desire for my life is for nothing short of greatness.

Things are changing. Hopes and dreams I've had and thought of are blossoming to the surface. My heart...I've let myself damage my heart. Let myself be someone I'm not. Either for worldly gain or self-pleasure. But the love my Jesus has for me reaches far beyond any brokenness and pain. 

God is always forming us, molding us into what he planned for us all along. And as to our allowing him to shape us...I'm sure it takes more times than necessary. But his love goes past our imperfections, goes through our hiccoughs and failings. 

A new day though. Today is a new day. Today has all the possibilities of greatness. Whether we find ourselves in an office cubicle, in our homes with our children, or outside in a construction site...we can still walk in the fulness that God has for us. 

These past few weeks for me, as I have said, has been somewhat of a roller coaster for me. Yet I feel like I am on the brink of grasping the tiniest bit of God's will for my life. This might include finally leaving the country like I have always dreamed, or staying in my own backyard knowing that God has all my best interests at hand. 

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Godspeed.

recall...

i love this song i'm about to post. there is something so comforting in these painful lyrics. it's actually hard to explain. if you ever get a chance to listen to brave saint saturn i'd highly recommend it. also, if you ever get a chance to anything written or sung by dennis bayne (culp) i'd highly recommend it as well. i don't know what else to say...there's just something about this song that always gets me...

it was all about acceleration

all for notoriety

all about the destination

driven by my own abilities

rockets shattered, screamed, and then fell away

lift this juggernaut into the sky

radio waves in the frozen night, spelling "i miss you"

like a flicker of light in the back of my mind

and it all comes back to me

like an overdue sunrise

it all comes back to me

there's nothing like complete exhaustion

the atrophy of complete defeat

the feeling of the world upon my shoulders

and realizing i am incomplete

well there's a lot of freedom in failure

of recklessness of weightless abandonment

i remember light coming through stained glass

and it reminds me

like a flicker of light in the back of my mind

and it all comes back to me

like an overdue sunrise

it all comes back to me

i remember your love being better than life

when it all comes back to me

i will sing in the shadows

when it all comes back

when it all comes back

when it all comes back

to me...

a saturday night...

it's like in the great stories mr. frodo. the ones that really mattered. full of darkness and danger they were. and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. because how could the end be happy? how could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. but in the end it's only a passing thing. this shadow. even darkness must past. a new day will come. and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. those were the stories that stayed with you. that meant something. even if you were too small to understand why. but i think mr. frodo, i do understand. i know now. folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. they kept going. because they were holding onto something. 

what are we holding onto sam?

that there's some good in this world mr. frodo. and it's worth fighting for.

new things...

i've decided to mix re-do the layout of my blog a little. nothing big...i just thought the whole black scheme was too dark. blue is better. and yes, i finally decided to "upgrade" (or whatever) the layout. 

blogger wins.

my quiet place...

Lord i love to worship you

Lord i love to worship you

you have given me so much

to be thankful for

and i love you is not enough

to express my love

everything i have inside of me

Lord i give to you

there is nothing i can do

there is nothing i can do

there is nothing i can do

but worship you

You are...

Lord you are more precious than silver.

Lord you are more costly than gold.

Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds.

And nothing I desire compares with you.

this sort of thing...

This Sort of Thing

I, I've a hunch that we
will never be the same
these things tend to change
everything
like a pause just to glance
or a choice
or just a chance
but we were never ready for this
anyway

so come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything

so here
here we go again
should I move right or left
or just step back to check
if I missed a step
oh no, you can never be too sure
when forever's on the line
forever passed me by a hundred times
tonight so

come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything

I, I've got a hunch that we
will never be the same
these things tend to change everything

come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything...

busy...

I'm sorry I haven't posted lately. I've been out of town, keeping myself busy.

I'll be back soon.

Godspeed.

hi...

i'm sending this through a text so it has to be short. i'm excited for this year. i'm excited to see what God has for everyone. Godspeed.