Monday, December 29, 2008


i am so lonely. 
they say you were lonely too. 
dear God be my Savior. 
i wait for you.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

on distant shores...

and off of the blocks
i was headstrong and proud
at the front of the line
for the card-carrying, highbrowed
with both eyes fastened tight
yet unscarred from the fight
running at full tilt
my sword pulled from its hilt

it's funny how these days can slip away
our frail deeds
the last will wave good-bye
it's funny how the hope will bleed away
the citadels we build and fortify

night came and i broke my stride
i swallowed hard but never cried
when grace was easy to forget
i'd denounce the hypocrites
casting first stones
killing my own
you would unscale my blind eyes
and i stood battered but more wise
fighting to accelerate
shaking free from crippling weight
with resilience unsurpassed
i clawed my way to you at last
and on my knees
i wept at your feet
i finally believed
that you still loved me

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


our Father.
who art in heaven.
hallowed be thy name.
thy kingdom come.
thy will be done.
on earth.
as it is in heaven.
give us today.
our daily bread.
and forgive us our debts.
as we forgive our debtors.
and lead us not into temptation.
but deliver us from evil.

Monday, December 22, 2008


i was supposed to clean my room today. at least that was my plan.

breakfast with colin and stuart was fun. we gave dee a christmas present like we did last year. she cried like she did last year.

i spoke with lindsey for about ten minutes today. she says i could be her parents third son if i were to move out to arizona. i suppose her brother gets official first son privileges and her man gets official second son. i'm fine with third. aj still needs to call me though...

i'll give him grace though. he just had another kid. or rhi did. either way they've got two sons now. two awesome sons. at least i was able to talk to his sister. he'll call me back one of these days.

listen to fleet foxes.

driving with my windows down was fun today. gotta love the rain. (it was barely sprinkling).

i just lost my train of thought.

found it.

lunch with joel and chrissy and james and bri on christmas eve. it'll be good to hang out with them all, even if i am a fifth wheel. joel says if there was ever a choice for him to find a fifth wheel, i would be it. apparently i'm good at it he says.

tonight is hot chocolate and old friends. should be...interesting.


Sunday, December 21, 2008


the angels wings will cover you tonight.
press your head against the breast of Christ.

Friday, December 19, 2008

keep your little head from falling in the snow...

so a venture down to mexico today is not going to happen.

too many speed-bumps and hiccoughs and stutters for it to fall into place smoothly.

that's funny. that seems to be the way my life is going in general. 


huh?  what was that? must've missed something.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

white winter hymnal...

rain rain go away. come again another day.

i usually like the rain.

it usually makes me smile. i'll go outside and dance around. i'll run to the park behind my house and swing on the swings in the playground. i'll get all soaked, and be happy the whole time.

i love smiling. i love feeling like my life is going somewhere. like i have a purpose.

i love feeling that way...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

tonight, tonight...

Tonight I say goodbye to my good friend Casey, or more affectionately known as Moose. Moose and his wife found our church accidently two years ago, and have become great friends during the past eight seasons. (If you can call what we have seasons). He was stationed at Camp Pendleton to finish his time with the marine corps. He now gets to go back home and be with family, etc. But we'll miss him. As it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything.

After work on Friday I'm driving down to the orphanage in Mexico. I'll be there for the night and most of Saturday. I get to see Oscar. I'm happy. 


Wednesday, December 10, 2008


If winter doesn't come to southern California, at least it will burrow its way into my hope for a job with the county. That's right, I've been officially informed that all county jobs are in the midst of a hiring freeze, which obviously means my hopes for a job in juvenile hall are obviously put on hold. 

God, you're doing something here...


Monday, December 08, 2008

dp boredum...

Today is not a good day for scooting. The sun is hiding and the gloomy clouds are sitting around enjoying some kind of tea party. I swear they only tease us and pretend to be up to something here in California. "How's the weather?" isn't even a conversation starter here - if you start off with that people will know you're desperate. Now I didn't say it was a horrible day for scooting; it would be perfectly fine for me to bundle up in layers and take a short trip down to the harbor, but I'm in more of a bundle up next to the fire with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book type of mood. (Talk about a run-on sentence....)

I started reading a separate peace about a month ago, but have since returned it to the library as it, along with eight other books, were overdue. If I go back now I'll have to pay the two dollars in fines I owe, and I never was one who enjoyed paying off debts completely. Hah! So it really turns into a question of what book should I start next, and yes, I will go to the library if needs be. I'll throw them a quarter and they can be satisfied with my payment plan.

 Ideas? I'll take them. Thanks.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

this is how it goes...

So it's like this...

Actually, I have NO idea what it's like. There aren't words to describe or feelings to feel, and that's frustrating. 

It's times like these when I really want to run. Run until I wear through my shoes and socks and bare feet and then some. I'm going down to the orphanage in a couple weeks to see Oscar. This isn't running; this is love. But I wouldn't be surprised if something in my heart told me to stay.

This picture was taken oh about seven years ago or so. Oscar's fourteen now. My how time flies. I want to see him, even if it's just to let him know I care.

Friday, December 05, 2008

no one loves me like you...

When I was small, the furthest I could reach was not so high. Then I thought the world was so much smaller. Feeling I could fly.

What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

What have we become? A self indulgent people. What have we become? Tell me, where are the righteous ones?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.

Sometimes the unexplained can define you. And sometimes, silence is the only sound.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.