odaat...

often i think

dream if you will

and i smile

at least

that's true

on occasion you

don't have the time

and please know i'm fine

at least i have you

that's true

over these months

don't fret if you

aren't able

and don't feel 

that time's on your side

oh i think of you my

dearest of friends

and i realize

all i can do is

to live

one

day

at

a

time

i'm sorry...

words elude me

over and over

and over

yet thoughts

and feelings

still simmer

with tendency

to look back

and wonder why

we 

loved

life

together

and i 

cowardly

ashamedly

said goodbye

for fear 

of what

of pain

of rejection?

whatever the cause

now

it doesn't matter

time has passed

new loves found

(and for me lost again)

we walk on

to futures

of life and love

i was never

a good friend

to you

to anyone

selfish

gone

disappeared

but never forgotten

i am

sorry

words enough

cannot express

friendships should

be stronger than i

ever allowed them to be

and so i say

thank you

for showing me friendship

thank you

for loving me

the last time...

I promise this'll be the last time, for a very long time, that I officially switch blogs. I mean, I might write on here every now and then for the next two months, but past that I doubt at all.

So please visit http://jamesdavidpierce.blogspot.com/ and read your hearts away, comment away, and scrutinize and love.

Because I love you.

Godspeed.

winding down...

not too many more posts here. change of location means change of blog address. i'll pass it out soon, and make sure i don't have too many posts written on it before i do.

a beautiful day...

i went camping this last week. i should have pictures soon. my camera broke in costa rica so i used the camera my friend had with him. less than a week, i promise.

today is more time spent up in costa mesa. pool extravaganza with wix and sim.

i should clean my room this week...

dear readers...

apparently you actually are interested in any sort of goings-ons in my life. 

it's hard to write about it though - because when it comes to big life plans and decisions i'm more of a one-on-one type of guy. or really in terms of any conversations. but there are some of you that i won't see for a while, and so i suppose this merits the information to be shared here.

one of the whole reasons for having a blog right? makes sense, i guess.

this move's been a long time coming, and still the countdown is at 80 days today - but in 80 days i will be driving myself over to the small state of texas, in the city of san antonio. between now and then i have a lot going on, so that is why it is 80 days and not 10, but i figured i might as well let the cat out of the bag to surprise as few people as possible.

and i think the emotion of it all is slowly starting to set in. seeing my older sister cry when i told her last night wasn't helpful. the constant "why are you moving, again"s won't get old, but why do i second-guess myself whenever someone asks that question? i was reminded last week though, that if i go off of emotion and feelings then i'm going to stay - and not move in the direction i truly know i'm supposed to go in. people are going to be sad to see me go, and people are going to be happy to see me arrive - which isn't necessarily a catch 22, but the phrase sounds good enough to use.

i'm going to miss my family tons. yes.

i'm going to miss my friends lots. yes.

the beach. yes.

the weather. yes.

scooter. yes.

lots more. yes.

no, i don't know where i'm going to work yet.

i don't know who i'm going to live with.

i don't know a lot of things.

but i know i'm supposed to go. i know things will work out all in due time.

and i'm more than excited to see how everything happens and where my life is headed.

:)

did you hear the news today...

oh, you want news.

i guess i could give you a little.

i'm moving.

more to come later, i promise, i just don't feel like writing right now. it's late?

seasons change...

once again, it's been a while.

but that's okay. because i've been busy. busy figuring out life, busy flying north and south, east and west.

time goes so slowly these days. it's what i get for not being employed. 

today is tuesday. 

in 48 hours i'll have news.

these frail hands...

i need your love. 

and most of all i want to feel your peace. 

i need your love. 

let everything that you are not decrease.

be a man...

cry me to sleep. birds without beaks. quick clip my wings. falling from swings...

...follow carmen sandiego to the remotest parts of the earth young one, you have much to learn in this world of darkness and despair. the sky is falling but only just above you - sidestep left, backstep right. sing to your king for he is the only one who loves with purity.

happiness is...

joel said all i ever blog about are morbid depressing things.

well at least i blog!

some happy things happening soon:

• aj and rhi and coben and jonas are coming to town
• mikey mulligan is getting married (this means bachelor party to throw, rehearsal dinner to eat, tux to look hot in and songs to dance to)
  
• dinner with aj and rhi and coben and jonas and bri and james on monday
• softball game on monday after dinner
• a flight to texas on tuesday

there you have it. some unmorbidly delightful things.

ragamuffin poet queen...

where are you?

rest...

it's nice to lie down and do nothing. i don't relax enough. i don't take time to sit down and let my mind wander away from anything to worry about. that's one of the sad things i've noticed since being back for two weeks now. i can change that of course, i'm just thinking about how i didn't have to think about it three weeks ago. it just came naturally. and so what now? do i just sit and complain that i'm not getting enough rest or downtime? when in fact it's my own doing that has kept me so busy since i've been back home?...sigh.

sbux...

i've got nothing against starbucks. i worked there for a good three months and made my dent in the coffee industry. then i moved to costa rica and tasted some of the best coffee in the world, at a fraction of the price. i would drink coffee before breakfast, as a snack after lunch, and as a time filler in the afternoon. i knew it would only be a phase, but it was worth it while it lasted. now coffee seems more of a commodity, a luxury that not many of us can afford these days do to an all too struggling economy and a hike in the prices of lattes. i probably wouldn't be here if not for two reasons: the first being i'm meeting my friend wix here for good conversation for a bit, and the second that my dearest mum gave me a gift card to use. how simply wonderful.

vusc...

vanguard university. it is a quiet place today, with a few staff members running, or more specifically, strolling about finding people to talk to and any other excuse to refrain from turning in their small assignments to their prospective bosses. the grass has just been cut, with the telltale signs of a lawnmower being on its surface recently. this used to be a place where mud football was played after a rainy night, where giant ice cream sundaes were scarfed down in record time and glittering fairies went around kissing unsuspecting gnaves. amidst the hustle and bustle of all this, students would still find time to study in the wee hours of the morning, while their diligent roommates would be sleeping. times have changed though, people have left and the echoes of joyous laughter underneath the heath building whilst still under construction have long since faded away. it was a happy
place, but many moons ago.

almuerzo...

i have always loved the chipotle burrito. something about the deliciousness of it all, or even the way it is delicately wrapped in tin foil, makes it a lunch worth remembering. a small problem i had today was that i forgot what i usually ordered - a burrito bowl with white beans, chicken, corn, sour cream and cheese. oh and a bag of chips. so instead of ordering that i bought a chicken fajita burrito with said toppings. i'm actually still pleased, so all in all it's turning out to be a good day.

these sandals were made for walking...

I miss walking. So I've taken it upon myself to walk more than I usually would, instead of using my scooter or my car. I actually unintentionally lost quite a bit of weight over in Costa Rica and I attribute this to walking almost everywhere I went. Tonight, instead of scooting to grab some pizza for dinner, I'm walking. This way will take me 25 more minutes - but at least I'll get to take in the view more...

te amo...

yesterday you came running

full speed to the door

looking around with hope

"james? y james?

...dondé está james?"

no estoy allí yosimar

y lo siento mucho

mucho. mucho. mucho.

passport protection...

dang it's been a while.

but heyyy...you can count on this being updated more often now - i give my word.

just not now, gotta run!

rain rain rain...

i love the rain here. the mornings will start off nice and sunny and have the makings of a beautiful day. but by the time the afternoon rolls around...you'll hear one crack of thunder and then you know the rain is near. shortly, if not immediately, thereafter, the rain falls. and hard. and i love it.

our street goes a fraction downhill, and so when the rain pours the gutters fill up and the road becomes somewhat of a river. it's a sight to see, that's for sure. at times trash bags will be carried along, with random tree branches and even small children.

i'm just glad i don't have to be riding my scooter in all of this.

invictus...

i've been breaking my back... yeah

only to show You
how very lost one can be
and bitterness fires through me

the brilliance that was
is flickering cold
slowly burning to ash
i'm choking on pride
i'm closing my eyes
'till one day i'm scared to go back

You part the shadows
Light of the World
destroy the blindness
peace eternal

take this broken heart
if it brings You praise
take this beaten soul
shivering hands i will raise

Hope Unstoppable
sing the morning sun
wake up oh sleeper
the Daylight has come

You are, You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable

take this broken heart
if it brings You praise
take this beaten soul
shivering hands i will raise

Hope Unstoppable
sing the morning sun
wake up oh sleeper
the Daylight has come

You are, You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable
You are You are
Invincible
You are You are
Unbreakable

i've been breaking my back
only to show you how very lost
one can be

sigh...

content.

in the weirdest of ways.

my circumstances make me smile.

don't ask me how, or why.

i have no answer.

i just know that life.

is good.

friends...

This post goes out to Kyle and Joel.

Just because.

lord (i don't know)...

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of all salvation

Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh, Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present
And all that is to come

Lord, we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

proverbs 3:5-6...

trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding

in all your ways acknowledge Him

and He will make your paths straight

i need thee...

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power
When Thou art nigh

I need thee, oh, I need thee, every hour I need Thee
I need thee, I need thee, I need Thee every hour

I need Thee every hour in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is in vain
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee
Oh I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

untitled...

it's my downfall, it is
a seemingly unending cycle
pick one up and try to hold on
until i've dropped and broken it

chunk at least was unaware
even if his friends weren't
he'd do anything you asked
oblivious of his inadequacies

which is better
to know
or
to have no idea

i say the former
at least i can try
but not try to not fail
but to simply do the best i can

so is that what i'm looking for
a chance to prove myself to others
look at me - i'm finally a winner
of something never meant to be won

i'll never call myself a failure
i'll never say i didn't try
but when will i finally
become a man fully alive


.tbc.

happy easter...

somewhere over the rainbow
way up high
and the dreams that you dreamed of
once in a lullaby
somewhere over the rainbow
blue birds fly
and the dreams that you dreamed of
dreams really do come true
someday i'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me
somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
and the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't i?

well i see trees of green and
red roses too,
i'll watch them bloom for me and you
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

well i see skies of blue and i see clouds of white
and the brightness of day
i like the dark and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

the colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
are also on the faces of people passing by
i see friends shaking hands
saying, "how do you do?"
they're really saying, i...i love you
i hear babies cry and i watch them grow
they'll learn much more
than we'll know
and i think to myself
what a wonderful world

someday i'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
where trouble melts like lemon drops
high above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
and the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't i?

real...

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

God help me.

glory...

it's hard to describe

all that is being done

deliberate service, yes

but for what good

just a glimpse

seems to be all i'm ever given

back home

i go back and live comfortably

fitted sheets

down pillows

food in the fridge

milk delivered fridays

seek first his kingdom

and his righteousness

and all these things

will be given to you as well

yes...

but what about

them as well

still...

Oh God, take this life...

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

febrero...

February is coming to an end. My how the time flies.

I'm liking being in another country. It's...refreshing. I love having six roommates. I love seeing people and doing everything together every day. 

...I don't miss "home" 

...I don't miss California

Oh I miss people, and I miss friendships.

I just don't see myself living in Orange County for the rest of my life. Maybe I will, maybe that will be what God calls me to.

But I've got a strong sense it isn't.

saturday night...

Filling empty space.

Through time spent with 'friends'.

Previously planned excitement.

Eventual disappointment.

Where does opinion intersect concrete unity?

Don't speak what's on your mind.

For fear of rejection.

Hide emotion.

Fake smiles please fools.

When do acquaintances become qualified friendships?

Please don't miss me.

My life goes on.

My heart stays shut.

My walls close in.

Who determines the reality of heartfelt truth.

Let birds fly free.

Wings clipped bring pain.

Loose the rain upon unbelievers.

Run unhindered into seclusion.

Why fix something that's been broken over and over.

fields of the fallen...

hi world.

i've been busy lately, i apologize. i suppose it's good though, in a sense, to be too busy to sit down by myself at a computer and type away into the night, or morning for that matter. 

a lot's been going on. most of it good. a little sadness mixed in there as well.

i need to go right now though...i have a memorial service to go to.

my friend's grandpa was in a car accident yesterday. he suffered a stroke and has been in ICU for the past twenty-four hours; unconscious and unresponsive. i'm told he's not going to make it.

it's times like these....when.

words are never enough.

fact not fiction...

so much to do. so little time.

willy wonka's words never rang so true. 

one foot in front of the other. one step at a time.

life still couldn't be better.

hope...

there's so much i have to be thankful for lately. i have so many reasons to smile, so many things to be glad about.

today is a good day.

cr...

oh God.

take this heart.

take these hands.

take these feet.

and use them.

thy kingdom come.

thy will be done.

on earth.

as it is in heaven.

i am nothing.

can do nothing.

have nothing.

except through you.

i will give my best.

it will not be good enough.

i will suffer and see no fruit.

but your plan is perfect.

the brilliance that was is flickering cold.

slowly burning to ash.

i'm choking on pride, closing my eyes.

'till one day i'm scared to come back.

time flies...

I'm amazed that it's already January 24th. Just yesterday it was 2008 and I was in another state hanging out with friends on New Year's Eve. A lot has happened in these past days. A lot of joy and excitement and a lot of pain and discouragement. But I hold fast to the knowledge that God is good. And not just good, but goooooooooooood. I'm realizing more and more, each and every day, that God is so very faithful in everything. His plans for me are more than amazing, and his desire for my life is for nothing short of greatness.

Things are changing. Hopes and dreams I've had and thought of are blossoming to the surface. My heart...I've let myself damage my heart. Let myself be someone I'm not. Either for worldly gain or self-pleasure. But the love my Jesus has for me reaches far beyond any brokenness and pain. 

God is always forming us, molding us into what he planned for us all along. And as to our allowing him to shape us...I'm sure it takes more times than necessary. But his love goes past our imperfections, goes through our hiccoughs and failings. 

A new day though. Today is a new day. Today has all the possibilities of greatness. Whether we find ourselves in an office cubicle, in our homes with our children, or outside in a construction site...we can still walk in the fulness that God has for us. 

These past few weeks for me, as I have said, has been somewhat of a roller coaster for me. Yet I feel like I am on the brink of grasping the tiniest bit of God's will for my life. This might include finally leaving the country like I have always dreamed, or staying in my own backyard knowing that God has all my best interests at hand. 

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Godspeed.

recall...

i love this song i'm about to post. there is something so comforting in these painful lyrics. it's actually hard to explain. if you ever get a chance to listen to brave saint saturn i'd highly recommend it. also, if you ever get a chance to anything written or sung by dennis bayne (culp) i'd highly recommend it as well. i don't know what else to say...there's just something about this song that always gets me...

it was all about acceleration

all for notoriety

all about the destination

driven by my own abilities

rockets shattered, screamed, and then fell away

lift this juggernaut into the sky

radio waves in the frozen night, spelling "i miss you"

like a flicker of light in the back of my mind

and it all comes back to me

like an overdue sunrise

it all comes back to me

there's nothing like complete exhaustion

the atrophy of complete defeat

the feeling of the world upon my shoulders

and realizing i am incomplete

well there's a lot of freedom in failure

of recklessness of weightless abandonment

i remember light coming through stained glass

and it reminds me

like a flicker of light in the back of my mind

and it all comes back to me

like an overdue sunrise

it all comes back to me

i remember your love being better than life

when it all comes back to me

i will sing in the shadows

when it all comes back

when it all comes back

when it all comes back

to me...

a saturday night...

it's like in the great stories mr. frodo. the ones that really mattered. full of darkness and danger they were. and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. because how could the end be happy? how could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. but in the end it's only a passing thing. this shadow. even darkness must past. a new day will come. and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. those were the stories that stayed with you. that meant something. even if you were too small to understand why. but i think mr. frodo, i do understand. i know now. folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn't. they kept going. because they were holding onto something. 

what are we holding onto sam?

that there's some good in this world mr. frodo. and it's worth fighting for.

new things...

i've decided to mix re-do the layout of my blog a little. nothing big...i just thought the whole black scheme was too dark. blue is better. and yes, i finally decided to "upgrade" (or whatever) the layout. 

blogger wins.

my quiet place...

Lord i love to worship you

Lord i love to worship you

you have given me so much

to be thankful for

and i love you is not enough

to express my love

everything i have inside of me

Lord i give to you

there is nothing i can do

there is nothing i can do

there is nothing i can do

but worship you

You are...

Lord you are more precious than silver.

Lord you are more costly than gold.

Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds.

And nothing I desire compares with you.

this sort of thing...

This Sort of Thing

I, I've a hunch that we
will never be the same
these things tend to change
everything
like a pause just to glance
or a choice
or just a chance
but we were never ready for this
anyway

so come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything

so here
here we go again
should I move right or left
or just step back to check
if I missed a step
oh no, you can never be too sure
when forever's on the line
forever passed me by a hundred times
tonight so

come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything

I, I've got a hunch that we
will never be the same
these things tend to change everything

come on, come on
it's about time
jump on in before you change your mind
no promises on this sort of thing
sometimes onetime in a lifetime
this sort of thing could blow your mind
or change everything...

busy...

I'm sorry I haven't posted lately. I've been out of town, keeping myself busy.

I'll be back soon.

Godspeed.

hi...

i'm sending this through a text so it has to be short. i'm excited for this year. i'm excited to see what God has for everyone. Godspeed.