fool...

sitting. waiting. for what.

a knock on the door? a phone call? anything?

but really - what's to be lost. all that has been gained - can it still be counted as gain?

and if something lost is forever gone - should it be treated as if it had no worth?



people care. and i ignore. i walk through each day with no destination. no point in stepping forward.

i fill my body mind and soul with things worthless.


some men achieve greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them - maybe i'll unsuspectingly walk into greatness one day.


today i'm far from it.

because work is...heartbreaking...

maybe you don't understand it, what keeps them awake at night
what goes through their little minds when you turn off the light?
always having to say sorry tears are stained on the pillow
like the light of the moon they can't be one
can't exist without the son

let's think clearly for a while
can he shine without a smile?

why am I alone with no one to be found?
looks like they know what's best for me
why doesn't anybody like me, I don't understand?
guess I'll have to crawl inside and I don't know why
i'm sitting by myself, when the problem isn't mine

been around the block a few times, been beat up by all his friends
learning life is like a maze that never seems to end
like an open book, blank pages left for only him to write
life is short this chapter takes so long
can't tell the right from the wrong

it's so hard for you to place
an expression on his face

why am I alone with no one to be found?
looks like they know what's best for me
why doesn't anybody like me, I don't understand?
guess I'll have to crawl inside and I don't know why
i'm sitting by myself, when the problem isn't mine

why doesn't anybody like me, I don't understand
why my friends and family left me
at six years old he won't be taught a meaning to this mess
he'll just have to take a guess, and make his own plan
and we'll never see the child that was forced to be a man

twenty-four...

I should be asleep right now, I mean it's the one day I've gotten to sleep in for the past week. But no, considering the fact that I've had to wake up at 5 am these past three days, I figured as I went to bed last night that I wouldn't get much sleep. But thankfully I only woke up at 6, so that's an improvement. (Not if you take into consideration the fact that I went to bed at midnight, but let's just leave that out of the picture).

There's no cake, there's no ice cream; happy birthday.

this sorta thing part deux...

Didn't think I'd been given much of a choice anyway. 'Cept, really, the choice is entirely up to me. I fail a lot. And many a time I let my failures define who I am. I think that has a large impact on all of my relationships. People around me notice it. I notice it.

sometime one time in a lifetime

So many chances though. Chances to change, chances to make a difference in something...anything. And yet no opportunities fully grasped or taken advantage of. Definition of man? Definition of me? No, not a true one.

this sort of thing could blow your mind

'Tis as simple as that. And I know....I know, I know, I know - it's going to do more than just that. Freedom. In life, in any idea that I have some standard to live up to, to live how others expect my life to end up. When it comes down to it, I'm the only one standing at the deep end.

or change everything

To put it lightly I suppose. I don't expect a dramatic change in anything. No text-book miracle or plagiarized expose. A slight bend in the road, a shift of the quiescent x-axis. But time is money these days, and you'd think anyone and everyone would want an immediate about-face. I can't do that...

so here, here we go again:
should i move right or left
or just step back to check if i missed a step
oh no, you can never be too sure when forever's on the line
forever passed me by a hundred times tonight

Godspeed.

this sorta thing...

i, i've got a hunch that we will never be the same. these things tend to change - everything.

I had a wonderful weekend. The kind of weekend that makes you think - yes, this is why I care about my relationship with God so much. But I really didn't think that. I don't know what I was thinking.

like a pause just to glance, or a choice, or just a chance

We got on the topic of 'once saved always saved' and it was interesting to see what my friends had to say. I don't want to get into that on here, but it is definitely an interesting discussion whenever it takes place.

and we were never ready for this anyway

I enjoy talking about my faith. My reason for living and the things I believe in. But whenever I talk about it, in the back of my head, I think - I am not living this life at all. I am to be compared with white-washed tombs if anything. My Pharisaical life is not to be envied my friends.

well come on, come on it's about time jump on in before you change your mind

Jump on in? As if.....as if I could do that with any strength I had. Strength? Life? What a confusing thing. Where have I been these past eight years? I'm not sure I could answer that.

no promises on this sort of thing.

TBC